The convenience of online shopping is an amazing & magical force. So without further ado, here are some strangely horrible & unnecessary things you can buy online, but probably shouldn’t ever need to:
Annoying Sound Device
Tap into your evil side and drive people nuts with an annoying sound device. Set it to Cricket Chirp or Smoke Detector Beep, hide it in your office building, and it’ll sound every 10 minutes & everyone will lose their minds trying to figure out where the horrid sound is coming from. Leave it there for days, as you watch your peers have endless tantrums. Also has cat meows and you can record your own annoying sounds as well. Excellent for the workplace, friend’s houses, school classrooms, or to completely shatter your parent’s minds.
How To Traumatize Your Children
Here’s the book you’ve always needed but never knew you needed. This groundbreaking instructional book teaches you how to provide your children with the lifelong gifts of mental and emotional damage. Would be a smart choice for a baby shower gift.
Martian Poop Blacklight Soda
If you’re ever bored of the typical flavors of Cherry, Blueberry, Grape, & Watermelon, the obvious next step to would be to indulge the flavor of Martian Poop. And if the fact that a soda would need to glow in blacklight isn’t enough of an unnecessary mystery, some of the reviews declare that it does not actually glow in black light at all. So here is a drink that doesn’t need to exist, but yet it does. Might be good for a gag gift, or to give to your enemy at work.
Unicorn Hand Puppet
What kind of person are you if you need this? Put this unicorn puppet on your hand and make it gallop around the coffee table, if that’s what you’re into. This is why your kids are embarrassed to hang out with you.
Liquid Fart Spray
Clear the room with zero effort. Sit down to for your next business meeting and give a few sprays of Fart Spray under the table. Also great for Thanksgiving dinner with the extended family. Just blame grandma.
Dinosaur Taco Holder
Don’t have time to put your taco on a plate like regular people? Well it’s a good thing some absolute genius made this Dinosaur Taco Holder then. We are lucky to have products like this when we are in the inevitable predicament of needing temporary taco storage. Holds 2 tacos for some reason, and comes in Triceratops, T-Rex, and Stegosaurus. Oh and apparently it’s “food safe” too, so that’s a major plus.
Bacon Bandages
Treat your minor cuts, scrapes, burns, and scratches with the spectacular healing power of meat. The reviews confirm that they don’t stick too well, but that’s ok because there’s a free bonus prize inside.