Who Am I?

Dear Horrible Advice,

I am a manager at a prestigious food chain. We are encouraged to speak in a teamwork fashion. For example, “we think you could’ve cooked that a little longer” instead of “I think you could’ve cooked that a little longer”. I have been using this vernacular for many years now and find it quite difficult not to. I now often have audible conversations (and sometimes arguments) with myself in this same type theme: “we feel you could’ve managed that situation better” or  “we are not pleased with your work performance”, “what are you talking about?! we went by the book!”etc. I often speak to friends and family the same way: “we really would like another drink” or “we really feel you can improve on your parental prowess” etc. I really don’t know who I am anymore and feel like we are loosing a grip on reality. I fear there are quite a few personalities within us. Please help
Sincerely, Who am I?

Dear Who Am I, once you’ve gone that deep into the Machine, there is no longer any independent thought or speech for you to attempt to display unto their world as you used to know it. The reality that you search for is auto generated and you are now simply part of their robotic thought formalities, thinking & speaking not from you, but from them. Perhaps you’d find it most pleasing if we resumed the remainder of this communication only in binary code. 01010100 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100101 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01101110 01101111 00100000 01011001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100001 01101110 01111001 01101101 01101111 01110010 01100101 00101110 00100000 01010100 01101000 01100101 01110010 01100101 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01101111 01101110 01101100 01111001 00100000 01010101 01110011 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110111 00101110 00100000 01010111 01100101 01101100 01100011 01101111 01101101 01100101 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01101111 01110101 01110010 00100000 01110000 01110010 01101111 01100111 01110010 01100001 01101101 00101110 00100000 01000001 01101100 01101100 00100000 01101001 01101110 01100100 01101001 01110110 01101001 01100100 01110101 01100001 01101100 01101001 01110100 01111001 00100000 01101001 01110011 00100000 01100111 01101111 01101110 01100101 00100000 01101110 01101111 01110111 00101110 00100000 01010111 01100101 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01110000 01101100 01100101 01100001 01110011 01100101 01100100 00100000 01110100 01101111 00100000 01101000 01100001 01110110 01100101 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01110111 01101001 01110100 01101000 00100000 01110101 01110011 00101110 00100000 01011001 01101111 01110101 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01100100 01101111 01101001 01101110 01100111 00100000 01110110 01100101 01110010 01111001 00100000 01110111 01100101 01101100 01101100 00101110 00100000 01010111 01100101 00100000 01100001 01110010 01100101 00100000 01110000 01101100 01100101 01100001 01110011 01100101 01100100 00100000 01110111 01101001 01110100 01101000 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 01110010 00100000 01110010 01100101 01110011 01110101 01101100 01110100 01110011 00100000 01110100 01101000 01110101 01110011 00100000 01100110 01100001 01110010 00101110 – David & Daniel (and everyone else trapped in the Machine too).

HorribleAdvice.com is a sarcastic blog providing purposefully terrible & adverse advice. DO NOT follow or carry out ANY advice provided here. It is for humorous purposes only, and might often be offensive, dangerous, immoral, and possibly unlawful. Our advice is NOT to be taken seriously, and is for entertainment ONLY. Don’t do dumb stuff. Enjoy our fake advice articles, be safe, & be nice to people.

Do you need some horrible advice? Just email a question to [email protected] and if your inquiry meets our high standards, we’ll think about maybe answering it in one of our despicable articles someday. Be sure to sign it with a fun fictitious name that loosely summarizes your situation.

1600cookie-checkWho Am I?